A lot has been going on here. So much has consumed us this month, we're praying for things to get better...so if you're reading this, will you pray for us? :)
Sickness has been prevalent in our household since mid-Novemeber. Both Bryan and Nathanael have been ill and now both have ear infections. Nathanael's was pretty extreme. On Wednesday night we went to dinner and he cried the entire time! Which is not like him at all! He continued to cry for at least 2 hours and all through the night he was whimpering. Come to find out he has a double ear infection and one of his eardrums ruptured.
There a many, many, more things going on that have us tired and weary...finances aren't what they should be, odd things are popping up that have to be dealt with, death in the family and the list goes on.
Thoughts and prayers are much appreciated as we head to 2010, where things have to get better!
We invite you to share with us in our life.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Friday, December 4, 2009
The Sadness Lingers
I, too, was sad at Jess' grandmother passing and terribly disappointed that we were so close to seeing her again, after it being a few years since our last visit. We really wanted to let Nat and her meet and see what they thought of each other...
She wasn't really that young, but we both feel that she was taken, perhaps, a bit too soon. Still we do trust the Lord and His timing. It would do no good to deny that it saddens us and that we don't understand why things happen the way they do, so we admit how we feel and what our thoughts are, yet respectfully so, and we choose to overcome that and trust the Lord in all things. For we know He loves us and he works all things for our good, no matter how it looks or how we feel at any given time or in any certain circumstance. Further, believe me when I say that it is a true act of faith and worship to make all of this more than lip service; rather to live it out and make it our true heart and the breath of our prayers.
- Bryan
p.s. ...and yes, I've been thinking about this for a while and it covers all that we do, not just what is before us today. God is so good to us. We must only think for a moment in order to recall our blessings and see (remember) that they far outweigh the troubles that come and go like the tides; for as they roll in, they roll out again just as surely. Yet we need not fret their return, for they will return and, when they do, we'll find that God has not moved; He remains where He always was and still loves us and keeps us... always and forever.
She wasn't really that young, but we both feel that she was taken, perhaps, a bit too soon. Still we do trust the Lord and His timing. It would do no good to deny that it saddens us and that we don't understand why things happen the way they do, so we admit how we feel and what our thoughts are, yet respectfully so, and we choose to overcome that and trust the Lord in all things. For we know He loves us and he works all things for our good, no matter how it looks or how we feel at any given time or in any certain circumstance. Further, believe me when I say that it is a true act of faith and worship to make all of this more than lip service; rather to live it out and make it our true heart and the breath of our prayers.
- Bryan
p.s. ...and yes, I've been thinking about this for a while and it covers all that we do, not just what is before us today. God is so good to us. We must only think for a moment in order to recall our blessings and see (remember) that they far outweigh the troubles that come and go like the tides; for as they roll in, they roll out again just as surely. Yet we need not fret their return, for they will return and, when they do, we'll find that God has not moved; He remains where He always was and still loves us and keeps us... always and forever.
How to Say...
I wish I knew how to put into words what's on my mind. It's just odd assortment of things that has culminated in a sub-conscious feeling; I can't even actively feel it, but I know it's there. It would be impossible to explain other than to give a list of the ingredients and leave it at that.
In some strange way I'm happy and hopeful and not down in the least, yet there fights within me a lot of unresolved frustration, which as given birth to great impatience lately. I really don't expect much, but what I do expect, I expect firmly... though I rarely receive it. I'm constantly bombarded by others' needs and wants and do my best to fulfill them, yet I don't get much appreciation for it and it's making me bitter. It makes it so hard to keep giving, when I don't feel anyone cares and it feels like they don't want to give back. I'm becoming selfish because I just don't have much left within me to give.
I used to feel a lot of depression, but haven't in a long time. I might feel blue from time to time, but it's all a very normal and healthy thing.
I suffer from many different kinds of pain here and there, sometimes they're mild, sometimes intense. Sometimes one will take center stage, sometimes another, sometimes they all sit in the background and grumble quietly. So many different things; you'd think it would get me down, but I guess I've grown accustomed to life being this way and I just look for the rays of sunshine and smile when I see some light. Like last night, Jess hugged me and seemed for a moment to appreciate me.
She's such a good wife. I hope someday she can overcome all her insecurities and be less self focused all the time, but she does really great most of the time so there's nothing to complain about. I just really want her true, inner self to come out more often because I miss her and feel so terribly lonely all the time without her. I'm so used to being alone that it doesn't hurt anymore, but I miss the feeling of fellowship one has when they are among friends and/or loved ones. I'm surrounded by family all day long and I am blessed to have that opportunity, but their hearts are obviously far from me and I long to bring them near.
I guess if I had to describe how I feel, it would be: numb.
-Bryan
In some strange way I'm happy and hopeful and not down in the least, yet there fights within me a lot of unresolved frustration, which as given birth to great impatience lately. I really don't expect much, but what I do expect, I expect firmly... though I rarely receive it. I'm constantly bombarded by others' needs and wants and do my best to fulfill them, yet I don't get much appreciation for it and it's making me bitter. It makes it so hard to keep giving, when I don't feel anyone cares and it feels like they don't want to give back. I'm becoming selfish because I just don't have much left within me to give.
I used to feel a lot of depression, but haven't in a long time. I might feel blue from time to time, but it's all a very normal and healthy thing.
I suffer from many different kinds of pain here and there, sometimes they're mild, sometimes intense. Sometimes one will take center stage, sometimes another, sometimes they all sit in the background and grumble quietly. So many different things; you'd think it would get me down, but I guess I've grown accustomed to life being this way and I just look for the rays of sunshine and smile when I see some light. Like last night, Jess hugged me and seemed for a moment to appreciate me.
She's such a good wife. I hope someday she can overcome all her insecurities and be less self focused all the time, but she does really great most of the time so there's nothing to complain about. I just really want her true, inner self to come out more often because I miss her and feel so terribly lonely all the time without her. I'm so used to being alone that it doesn't hurt anymore, but I miss the feeling of fellowship one has when they are among friends and/or loved ones. I'm surrounded by family all day long and I am blessed to have that opportunity, but their hearts are obviously far from me and I long to bring them near.
I guess if I had to describe how I feel, it would be: numb.
-Bryan
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Sad day
My heart is sad today with the loss of my grandmother this morning. I was looking forward to seeing her in a few weeks while visiting my parents. I was excited to see how she would react to Nathanael and how he would react to her. In my memories she was jolly, happy, and joking all the time. I am keeping those thoughts in my head to crowd out the sadness....it's not working. Even though I didn't get around to seeing her often, I thought about her and will miss her dearly.
Flora Kleiss 1933-2009
Flora Kleiss 1933-2009
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)