I have been considering names...

And yet we just found out a few minutes ago!

Lately I've been thinking that I'm ready to fall in love again; to have a new friend; to add to the fold.  If it had been a wish, it has been granted.  Like all parents, yet tremendously more, I only wish it to be a perfect baby like the first two and blessed immeasurably of God's glory, love and power.  I wish to avoid the tragic experience we had barely more than six months ago.  Still, God was incredibly faithful to us and filled the hole left in our lives with many blessings; those kind which could be brought probably no other way.  He took nothing from us, though we powerfully felt like we had been robbed.  We had not the chance to ask for it not to happen; like a thief that quietly steals your most prized and intimate possession, yet you don't even know it until much later.  That is how it was for us.  While God took nothing from us, even though it was His to take if He had done so, He gave us such rich blessings and held us close and loved us through it.

My mind is spinning and the little cranes and bulldozers are hard at work rennovating and making room for another beloved in my heart!  It seems a nearly impossible goal, but I was thinking today that maybe five children sounds about right.  I don't have a clue how we could manage that and I've never previously had a clear idea of what our number should be.  Still, that number seems fixed in me, as if God wrote it upon my tablet Himself.  I will see if the notion passes; I hesitate to claim anything without solid proof.  As well, it's a bit scary to think, yet I know that God is good and He is in control and it will be, if we trust Him.

Nat says the cutest things...

We were reading a book about a statue that is in London. The statue is of a soldier that was blinded in battle. Here's the conversation that went on:

Me: he couldn't see out of one eye. He was blind.

Nat: What letters could he see? Maybe he just needed to add dots.

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Nat: I'm not cute, I'm hampsome!

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Bryan's mom was telling Nat that she was going to be out of town for his birthday. She said she hated to miss his birthday. Nat turns to me and said, "Mom! Grandma HATES my birthday!!!. Why does she hate my birthday?"

New Perspective

The last seven weeks have been pretty amazing around here!  All that has gone on has put a new perspective on life, family, and God for me.


What I'm about to share may be touchy and it's usually not talked about.  To be honest, I still don't really want to talk about it.  Yet I figure that, if there is just one person I can help by what I'm writing, then it's worth it.

After two supernaturally painless labors and bringing two wonderful, gorgeous children into the world, I became pregnant with our third.  While I felt overwhelmed with the thought of a 4 year old and two little ones under the age of 2, I was very excited about adding to our family!  The due date was October 15th, 2012.  Bryan was hoping for the 11th, though; our other two children have cool sounding birth dates and 10/11/12 has a nice ring to it.

At 9 1/2 weeks, there were warning signs and we went to the ER, late one night.  After 2 of the longest ultrasounds in the history of mankind and a very long wait for the results, the doctor came in and very matter-of-factly stated that they could not find a heartbeat.  I had started to miscarry and found out the baby's heart had stopped approximately 2 weeks prior at 7 weeks, 4 days.

The next couple of days were very hard and we fervently prayed for a miracle; for God to revive our baby and make him or her whole again.  But that nightmare of a day came and our baby was gone, he was out of my womb. 

I was SO angry at God. 

 was mad that I couldn't feel God. 

I felt abandoned. 

We attended our Sunday morning church service 3 days after miscarrying and I couldn't bring myself to sing the songs. I remember the second song was about God always walking beside us and never leaving us. I was full of anger and tears were welling up in my eyes. My husband was praising God like I'd never seen. The same God that my husband was whole-heartedly worshipping next to me, I was blaming for the death of my baby. Something was obviously wrong with this picture. If I had been in the aisle seat, I would have walked out. It really took A LOT to stay in that service. 

After service, something deeply took a hold of me and said, "Satan is the god of this world." I began to think about this. As soon as man used their free will, total chaos began. As soon as I realized that God didn't do this to me, my weight was lifted. I began to praise God and was set free from this false bondage from Satan.

That afternoon, I was cleaning up the house, as it had been neglected by all that was going on. I wanted to listen to a sermon as I cleaned, so I happened to download a sermon called "Reasonable Doubt". Let me tell you, that message confirmed what was spoken to me earlier that day and my heart felt uplifted! 

This weekend we are having a funeral service for baby Furse. We do not know the gender, but we are calling baby a he. His name's meaning is, "God will uplift". His middle name means "Given to God".

 I am still sad that the baby is gone, but am rejoicing that he never has to feel pain and he's with Jesus. His eyes have seen the beauty of Jesus and I'm sure he's dancing and playing. Yes, doing both at the same time, because he is a Furse baby :)

Hannah at 15 months

Hannah's growing beautifully! She absolutely loves all things girly, necklaces, jewelry, dresses and skirts. She loves to pick out her own clothes and will even go into the dirty laundry to get her skirt out to wear.

She's a really good sleeper at night time. She sleeps through the night sleeping about 11 hours. Now nap time is different, if I can actually get her to settle down, she'll sleep. She just has a really hard time during the day, though.

She weighs 21 lbs and is 31 inches tall (68th percentile). She's on the tall side and average in weight. Her head is tiny (!) 19th percentile.

Hannah at 12 months

She is 18 lbs 7 oz. (!). Tiny compared to her brother at this age http://furseworld.blogspot.com/2009/08/my-big-boy.html .

She is an accomplished walker and she speaks clearly for her age. She has a lot of words now!
-Eye
-Mine
-No way!
-Go away! (yes, her brother was her teacher on this one)
-mm mm
-Go
-No
-Yay!
-Yeah
-She knows what the following animals say when asked: Cow (Moooo), Dog (bow wow), Cat (Meow), Monkey(ooOOoOO)
-She obeys commands (sit down, go get your shoes, etc.)
-She answers simple questions with a nod or shake of the head

The other day, we were getting ready to go and I was putting Nat's socks and shoes on and I look over and Hannah has her shoes and her socks and has one sock on 3/4 of the way on.
Yeah, she's an awesome baby!

Hannah's 1st Birthday

Dear Hannah,

What a joyous, happy soul you are! Happy birthday to my sweet daughter!

At this point, you are no longer a baby and have decided to skip most of the baby stuff. You are an accomplished walker, with mad dancing and spinning skills! You are far advanced for your age! You say a few words, I think "ball" and "muah" 

while giving a kiss) are your favorites.

You are REALLY attached to mommy, but lately you've been hanging and cuddling with daddy a lot. I think you and daddy will have a special bond.


Your brother likes to make you laugh, he also likes to push you down, but that's another story:)  

 As I currently hold you in my arms while you sleep, I am reminded of this time last year. How I couldn't imagine loving another soul and wondering if there was room on my heart for another child. There is absolutely no doubt that you are loved and fill my heart with more joy than I thought possible. We had a rough start with you being a colicky baby, but all those hours of crying were more than worth it! You make us smile on a daily basis. We love you so much!!!

Lion or dog

So we moved into a new place about a month ago. Not long after that, we noticed there were fleas (YUCK!) around the fireplace area. Never knowing what previous tenants have done, we just thought maybe they had an animal that left flea eggs.

Fast forward to a week ago... I was sitting in the living room and heard "SCRATCH! SCRATCH!" on metal and what sounded like an animal that was 30 lbs big trying to claw through our fireplace. We were up until 3 am that night, with Bryan going into the crawl space, and me worried whatever it was, was going to attack the kids in their sleep! Since the fireplace shares the wall with their room.

Having this thing clawing at our fireplace every night was a bit daunting. It would start in at about the same time each night and would shuffle around throughout the night. One night, I asked Nat what he thought it was. He thought for a minute, then replied, "Maybe it's a lion, or a dog!". The following day, he changed his mind and thought it was a shark... makes me kinda glad it was just an opossum!

It took a FULL WEEK to catch this guy! Which did not make for a happy mama.

Here's our lovely before picture: *Cue Christmas music*

Here's our after: *Cue Psycho killer music*
Opossums are very disgusting animals, oh the stench of that critter! ICK! I actually had to shampoo the carpets afterward. And come to find out, they carry fleas and THAT is where the fleas came from. Here's hoping there are no more fleas OR opossums...